Limited Edition Windex Crystal Meth Spray

Hide your children, hide your wives. In a desperate attempt to reinvent its streak-free and wholesome corporate image, Windex has recently started selling crack scented cleaning spray.

This Windex product is probably neither highly toxic nor highly collectible, but the label implies both. The scent of this special limited edition Windex is Crystal Rain, which sounds like suburban street slang for crystal meth. I’ve never wanted to destroy my cellular makeup, so I’ve never smelled meth before, but if I had to guess what it smelled like based on pure conjecture, I’d guess burning teeth or pine trees and gas station bathroom.

After exhaustively testing Limited Edition Windex Crystal Rain, I’ve determined that it smells just like regular Windex, except maybe a bit more purple-smelling. If you’re worried your kids might be doing drugs, give them a sniff. Did you detect any purpleish odors? That’s a sign they might be using and abusing.

The label claims that Limited Edition Windex Crystal Rain will bring you happiness after just one spray, but what about the 50th spray? The 200th spray? You might be smiling now, but after enough Crystal Rain, that smile is going to look more like this:

About Robot Housekeeping

I'm much too manic to blog about only one topic. I write Robot Housekeeping so that I can share my love of all things vintage and domestic. Sometimes, I even leave the house.
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3 Responses to Limited Edition Windex Crystal Meth Spray

  1. Sarya Echo says:


  2. Whitney says:

    Hahaha I want this! NOW!

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